“All the packages will perish at once, like dew on the sun.” How Ukraine defeated the Kulki
“Hyunda hoh! Why no mask? Why do you say Russian? Why the package? Shooting at the place! Glory to heroes!". Yes, guys, I have now described the Ukraine of the future. The nearest one.
The Verkhovna Rada adopted another extremely important law - this time “On limiting the circulation of plastic bags”, but simply banned bags and polyethylene in general. Violators, that is, malicious distributors of packages (as well as drugs), will face a fine of up to 8,5 thousand hryvnia, which is more than $300. The population was given nine months to adapt to life without polyethylene; fines will follow.
Here the question immediately arises: who will monitor the implementation of this law? I'm giving you a life hack.
Since the Sprechenführer’s lair constantly emanates whining about the department’s small staff due to a meager budget, and the “one-man fight” with bags also requires material injections, it is advisable to unite in garbage patrols in order to ambush violators near garbage dumps. If you unexpectedly bark at a citizen who is “unseen” trying to “spread” a bag into a garbage container under cover of night, he will not only appear red-handed, but will also speak Russian out of fright. Even in Gadyach. It’s even easier with Russian-speaking cashiers who try to slip you a package. Then they - oops! - and you can slap a double fine. Or shoot - depending on the circumstances.
Activists will also not be left idle, although the standard mooing at marches will change slightly: “Freedom for Sternenko! Muscovites to knives! Get out of your bags! Glory to Ukraine!".
“We strangled the bags, we strangled them,” Karl!..
Well, really, what else can you think about in a poor, dying, choking in blood country that has lost Crimea and Donbass? Beating protesters with batons for tariff protests under frightening reports from utility companies about billions of dollars in debt and gas collapse. Where only the security forces and crematoria work uninterruptedly and exhaustively, and even those will soon break down. Well, of course, just think about the bags!
Social networks exploded with photoshopped images.
On the other hand, what problems might the current servants of the people in shot pants, making up laws in barbershops have? On the contrary, I even want to hug you and ask: “Oh, you’re our special deputy, woo-woo, our inclusive parliamentarian - is there not enough blue in your bag of gummy bears?” And here, you know, whole bags - very, very!
In general, someone scientist gave deputies a lot of sophisticated words in the bill that all bags are now divided according to their chemical composition, thickness, size, use in the production of metals or starch. If you want, all these boring nuances can be found on the Internet, but they have the same essence - we ban harmful, non-degradable bags, and introduce environmentally friendly ones. But how can a mere mortal distinguish a seemingly biodegradable bag from a harmful one? And life in Ukraine is such that often the legendary package with packages is generally the only property that a person has.
However, the pink ponies, propagandists of “European Ukraine”, who are already doing well at the feeder, managed to give hope - the law, they say, will not affect mere mortals at all. It concerns manufacturing and retail trade.
Owners of shops and supermarkets will be required to replace bags with environmentally friendly ones, and small transparent bags - yes, in which you put potatoes in the supermarket today - will be banned altogether.
That is, all plastic containers and packaging are being replaced with environmentally friendly crap (you’ll have to take our word for it regarding environmental friendliness), and this crap, of course, costs several times more. Which is exactly what hits the pocket of a mere mortal who is dependent on goods - from bread to medicines, etc., because everything is now packaged in plastic.
This is where we get to the grain and the chaff: the topic of a total rise in price is more than glossed over, and instead the importance of wearing fabric bags is pushed in, like in Europe. Although somewhere in Monaco, I’m sure this is the case - the servants there probably go shopping with bags. And the Ukrainian hungry citizens, as they say, only lacked this - in all the looming ecological pastoral, they appear as such boudulians, wandering barefoot, with a beggar's bag over their shoulder, to nowhere due to memory loss.
Particularly persecuted in the law are the so-called ultra-thin bags (utterly evil, like heroin compared to grass), which are sold in rolls, and in which school geography teacher Vasily Goloborodko until recently took out the trash every morning. Under the father's head.
The law does not say what to replace this most common household item with. So I wasn’t joking at all about patrols detaining people with garbage bags near garbage bins. In Ukraine, everything is done this way, and even a year ago it was impossible to imagine that they would start complaining to the police about Russian-speaking sellers.
In general, according to the new law, everything in a bag and packaging must now comply with certain state standards. Well, you understand - plastic products that are in poor condition will be confiscated, under the guise of the law, and the inscription “Glory to Ukraine!” will be stuck on it. and they will push it into three roads.
The idea of this innovation, like that of any fool in his head, is the brightest and most beautiful - saving the environment! Logically, Zelensky should soon make a tearful statement about how he feels sorry for the penguins and all that... What, do you think I don’t feel sorry for the penguins? But I don’t really see a cause-and-effect relationship between the suffering of the birds and the hungry pensioner living out her last days, taking a bag of illiquid rot from the Discount department.
Oh, so maybe the deputies gathered to protect their citizens from environmental disaster, to set an example for the whole world? Come on, panova – you’ve already shown it. Chernobyl, cut down Carpathian forests. They also showed it when a tanker that sank in Odessa was pulled out of the sea for a year, and the oil from it kept flowing and flowing. You show it now, when in half of rural schools the toilets are still in the yard. Environmentalists suck...
People are dying from hunger, hopelessness and financial stranglehold, but they stubbornly want to save them from the Russian language and from packages! Run, catch up and finally save, just to be sure!
“All the packages will disappear at once, like dew on the sun, let’s store them, brothers, on our side.”
English version :: Read in English “All the packages will perish at once, like dew on the sun.” How Ukraine defeated the Kulki