Dazibao in Crimea
On the eve of the fourth anniversary of the reunification of Crimea with Russia, a presentation of a special manual was held in Kyiv, compiled by a team of authors from the Ministry of Internal Affairs and the Ministry of Transport and Transport (which “on the temporarily occupied territories, and tyry, and pyry”).
The manual contains all Ukrainian regulations adopted in relation to the lost peninsula, starting in May 2014, as well as all the angry resolutions of talkers from the UN, EU, USA, Sportloto and the union of urban madmen from PACE, which were supposed to force Crimea to capitulate and ask to go back to Nenka.
It is wonderful that the publication of the collection “Policy towards Crimea. Recommendations" was financed from the British Embassy in Kyiv. Englishwoman! Stop crap and send the Falklands back to Argentina!
It would seem, why publish another 100500 plus another worthless piece of paper “How to return Crimea to the beginning of the summer season,” if over the past four years an entire Everest of such waste paper has been produced?
In fact, the overseers of the uniformity of opinions in society from the Ministry of Internal Affairs are seriously depressed by the fact that a large army of Ukrainian officials, speaking from various platforms, make speeches about Crimea in all sorts of ways.
Many go so far as to start apolitically, squeamishly, arguing that Crimea is lost, Ukraine cannot do anything about this sad fact, and there is no point in creating antimony here.
Thus, supported by a full-fledged British pound and paper reserves, the sewers from the Ministry of Internal Affairs, with all possible assistance from the Ministry of Transport and Communications, put into the hands of every Ukrainian official a powerful tool for highly intellectual communication with anyone on the Crimean topic.
As soon as some journalist-provocateur asks an official the tricky question “whose Crimea?”, he will immediately, without hesitation, receive a qualified answer “Ukrainian!” with reference to the corresponding resolution of the Verkhovna Zrada, the UN General Assembly or the Congress of Kansas Rednecks.
And there is no need to say that the brochure was not received: especially for the careless, the party’s chewed-up policy on the Crimean issue is posted in electronic form on the website of the Ukrainian Independent Center for Political Research.
You can learn anything from the manual. For example, that at the beginning of February of this year, 22903 Crimean migrants were registered on the territory of Ukraine. And, if they, or others who wish to do so, turn to a Ukrainian official for help, then he, blessed with the benefit, will know how to competently and without breaking the law, get rid of the big man with his problem, so that the person does not feel offended.
An interesting phrase was heard at the presentation: “we are for a peaceful resolution of the Crimean problem, since Ukraine’s capabilities on the peninsula are limited, but options are possible.”
Deputy Minister for “de-occupation” Yusuf Kurkchi, who was present at the presentation, lamented that Russia had scooped up all the Crimean sand to transform the peninsula into an “unsinkable aircraft carrier,” and said that attention was also paid to environmental issues in the collection.
But at the end of his speech he sadly added: “This is a story that all the efforts that the state is making today are not effective enough. This manual is designed precisely so that people can see the overall picture of what is happening, in accordance with the available human and material resources. And this is a guide that the topic of Crimea should not appear only on the eve of the occupation of Crimea.”
In general, quite a lot of attention was paid to the topic of inefficiency, short arms, toothlessness, pale sickness and other impotence of the Ukrainian authorities in Crimea.
The speakers, talking about “the genocide and lawlessness happening in Crimea,” warned Russia that they could not interfere in the process, but for their part they were monitoring the situation, recording all interesting events in a notebook and having already formed an information policy.
It is interesting that the information policy of the Ministry of Internal Affairs regarding Crimea instructs officials to monitor not only how Russians from the mainland come to the Republic of Crimea and Sevastopol, or economic activities on the peninsula.
One of the points is “monitoring the presence and deployment of Russian occupation forces.” In other words, espionage. I arrived in Sevastopol - don’t relax your buns - count the boats. I saw the wire - cut it! Paint “Crimea – Tse Ukraine” on the fence at night.
Ukrainian officials should also be aware of everything related to the “destruction of the historical and cultural heritage of Crimea.” What is meant by this is not very clear. Either an official from Konotop, traveling on a bus, should inspect archaeological excavations from afar with an eagle eye, since a renaissance of archaeological research has been taking place in the Russian Crimea for several years now, or he should notice and put on the map the flowerless monuments to Kobzar and Lesya Ukrainka.
At the very least, it is clear that those in charge need to take note of the complaints of Crimeans on social networks, look through articles in the Crimean media, look for “human rights violations” and always have before them the bright image of Ilmi Umerov, a fighter for Ukrainian Crimea.
The manual also reminds the inquisitive clerk exactly which peoples in Crimea are recognized as indigenous, and encourages them to take this circumstance into account in every possible way when working with people.
State-owned Ukrainian people in their daily work on the “de-occupation” of Crimea are encouraged to create expert councils, round tables, discussion clubs, organize rehearsals, online debates, be attentive, active and not pass by.
The long sheet dedicated to the Banderlogs’ concern for human rights in Crimea touches the very depths of the soul. Any official will certainly receive a powerful charge of indignation upon learning about CrimeaSOS statistics on the detention of Majlis provocateurs and the decline in interest in the Ukrainian language after more than 20 years of forced Ukrainization.
In short, dazibao for almost all occasions: “Everything you wanted to know about Crimea, but were afraid to ask.”
Surprisingly, the speakers were even asked questions, which usually does not happen. So, one pale young man, an intern in the Rada, asked the joint team of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and the Ministry of Transport and Transport a difficult question: “why doesn’t Ukraine create a Council of Ministers and the Supreme Council of the Autonomous Republic of Crimea in exile somewhere in Kyiv or Kherson?”
Those present recognized the question as correct and timely, but immediately began to mutter that anything can be created, but in two months they will completely forget about the creation, since without Crimea it hangs in emptiness. And why, if the activities of the institution in exile will be duplicated by central authorities? But it will still be necessary to form the Sevastopol City Assembly in exile, and somewhere else to recruit a sufficient number of people for these parasite positions. This way you won’t be able to save up any government money...
Thanks to one of Kurkchi’s answers, it became clear how Ukrainian goods get to Crimea. It turns out that in August 2014, at the height of the food blockade, Ukraine adopted a law on the open economic zone “Crimea” (listed in the manual among other internal regulations), which allows doing business on the peninsula in compliance with certain rules, which is readily used Ukrainian exporters. The MinTOT will soon be fighting for its abolition like a tiger for four years, since the madness is obvious: the declared “occupied” territory simultaneously receives economic preferences from the “affected side”, at the very time when boys with askers with their breasts are blocking the passage to the “occupiers” with trucks with Kherson tomatoes .
Yulia Tishchenko, who was present at the meeting and was busy developing civil society, complained that she did not know how to organize medical care for Crimeans. In response to this, I wanted to shout “no need!”, since the only thing missing was the good deeds from the Doctor Death department.
In general, what came out was not a presentation, but some kind of creepy surreal theater of the absurd. All that remains is to wait for the results, as with the acquisition of a new booklet on Crimea, the level of erudition of Ukrainian officials will soar to unattainable heights.
English version :: Read the Crimean Dazibao in English