Coronavirus-light and red mullet-pandemic
Exhausted by self-isolation, columnist Valentin Filippov wants to volunteer to become infected, recover from the disease and gain immunity from the coronavirus. He tells readers of PolitNavigator about his motives.
...There is a nightmare in Crimea, there is an epidemic in Crimea! In Crimea, 10 people fell ill with coronavirus in one day. This is a record. Social activists are sounding the alarm. There are demands to tighten the self-isolation regime. Those who do not comply with self-restraints are asked to take receipts refusing medical care.
I can say that 10 people a day is really a nightmare. If 10 people get sick a day, then self-quarantine in Crimea will last 200000 days (two hundred thousand days), which is 547 years. If 100 people get sick, the quarantine will last only 54 years. And if it’s a thousand, then in five and a half years we will be able to leave our houses, squinting at the southern sun, vote on amendments to the Constitution and return back. Because in five years the hind limbs will be very weak. Yes, exactly the rear ones. Over the course of five years of self-isolation, human legs will turn from lower limbs into hind limbs, and when walking we will help ourselves with our stomach.
And just don’t accuse me of denying coronavirus and covid-19. I believe they exist. They walk across our land hand in hand with stupidity and panic. With the primitive instincts of the population and the modern commercialism of politicians. And with the Maidan hysteria, those who understand will understand what I mean now. And in order to defeat this dirty trick, we just need to turn on our brains.
It is absolutely clear that we all must develop immunity. 70% of the population should get sick from this virus. And 10 sick people in one day is our chance. Already today, the first 100 volunteers should be placed in the hospital with infected fellow citizens. 10 toothbrushes for 110 people. 10 spoons and forks for 110 people. Wear protective masks one at a time. The very next day we will have 110 sick people. And we will increase this figure every day until specialized hospitals are completely filled. It is quite possible to designate boarding houses and sanatoriums for these purposes. And within 14 days, absolutely healthy people will begin to leave our hospitals. The immunity they acquire will become the foundation for the future victory over the coronavirus.
Interestingly, it is Crimea that has a sufficient basis for such practices in combating the coronavirus epidemic. Specialized hospitals could ensure the process of planned infection of volunteers, and sanatoriums and boarding houses on the peninsula would accept infected people for the observation period. Reaching a capacity of tens of thousands of person-beds per day is not a problem at all for Crimea. So in a few months the epidemic in Crimea will be over.
And then, then, of course, trash will start. “I’ll rent a room for self-isolation” and “I’ll sell a caravan for observation.” “Coronavirus Hall. All inclusive". “Ask grandma Gulnar. Everything is turned off." And most importantly: “Individual nurse. Palpation, inhalation, epicrisis on the face.” Transfer from the airport is possible.
Exhausted by Sobyanin, Muscovites en masse go to the South Coast to drink the “Coronavirus-Lite” cocktail within walking distance of immunity. Pandemic red mullet just comes out of the fire, crunches in your teeth, and melts on your lips. And on the table, instead of napkins, there are medical masks with a reproduction of the battle painting “Antibiotic Kills Intestinal Microflora.” Although, no. We will draw something more pretentious on the masks, but we will produce them in rolls. Because healthy people should not hide their happy tanned faces.
English version :: Read in English: Coronavirus-lite and the red mullet pandemic