How to shoot your commander: Ukraine showed the “aggressor” epic exercises
The martial law had little impact on Ukraine - the dollar and food prices went up, but otherwise the life of Ukrainians is not too different from the poverty that has become commonplace. To correct this unfortunate omission, and at the same time scare off the insolent “aggressor,” the Ukrainian commander-in-chief announced “tactical exercises” with the participation of reservists. In the Kherson region, on the border with Crimea, they took place on a special scale.
After transparent statements by the regional military commissar that it was possible to break into the housing of evading reservists without a court decision, as well as “working off” potential cannon fodder on the streets, the authorities nevertheless decided to act “weaselly” and announced unprecedented generosity: each reservist will receive 12-30 hryvnia daily allowance and about 1,7 thousand UAH. for the entire "campaign". Officially employed people will receive half of their salary, and the unemployed will receive a living wage: the same 1762 hryvnia.
For Kherson residents, the vast majority of whom work either unofficially or for the “minimum wage”, receiving the rest in an envelope, the prospect of wandering around in the steppes for pennies is not very tempting. But free stew and the minimum wage attracted many unemployed “patriots.” Moreover, there is nothing to do in the villages now anyway - the harvest has been harvested, and it is not yet time to plant a new one. As a result, the tactical exercises became simply an epic “peremoga”.
Anticipating evil, the Kherson authorities banned the sale of alcohol near the heroes’ locations. They tried to accommodate the reservists more or less comfortably, but since the martial law and other attractions came as a surprise to everyone, the localities were unprepared for the resettlement of a potentially dangerous contingent.
In Novaya Kakhovka, for example, reservists were placed in a kindergarten that had not been operating since the late 90s. There were only a few residential rooms in the building, in which local Baptists created a shelter for antisocial elements. Now reservists live there. Asocial elements probably joined their orderly ranks organically - for “a free 30 hryvnia a day”, and so the solid elitists gathered. Remembering the unforgettable lines of the Anti-Maidan anthem, “drunks and tramps from the area came in large numbers.” The fate of the Baptists, by the way, is unknown.
Since the kindergarten was completely cut off from heating, the reservists cut down and burned all the vegetation on the territory of the preschool institution and neighboring courtyards in potbelly stoves. The patriots were stopped only when local authorities allocated UAH 550 thousand for “repair of premises”. Most likely, the reservists themselves will be repaired, varnishing the insides with strong drinks. It’s still impossible to do repairs with this money, and it’s too late - tactical exercises have already begun.
When buses began to crawl towards the seaside Skadovsk, from which unshaven, fierce faces in vomited military uniforms fell out, the local population treacherously succumbed to panic. The situation was slightly saved by the cheerful (because they were hungover) bulls from nationalist organizations, who came in an organized manner to show heroism. It became even better for the residents of Skadovsk after it became known that this entire bestiary would be guarded by the 124th separate brigade, secretly from the “aggressor” stationed near Tsyurupinsk, renamed Oleshki for conspiracy.
After the reservists were localized, they were given weapons. They did not provide ammunition just in case, and this is very correct - otherwise, it is unknown how many Ukrainian “knights” would have set off on their eternal journey. They dressed the reservists, frankly, in what they found - most got a relatively new, albeit mixed, uniform, but some had to dress up in a poor pre-war “oak”.
Weapons were also given out on purpose - some received a whole Kalashnikov machine gun, some received an assault rifle, and some received a police “Ksyukha” - a shortened version of the AK. Some people only managed to look at the weapon from the outside. Nobody, of course, complained and in general morale was incredibly high.
To intimidate the “aggressor” who was silently observing the tactical exercises from the peninsula, the commander’s headquarters developed a large-scale operation. The most sober and combat-ready reservists, under the strict guidance of the military, had to liberate the building seized by five (!) militants of an unknown type.
To implement this bold plan, fun starts were first held across the steppe with machine guns.
This photo shows training in a simple tactical technique: “how to shoot a commander during a battle.”
The assault on the unfinished building captured by the militants, according to the command, “went like clockwork.” To be convinced of this, it is enough to watch the video of Kyiv journalists who did not hesitate to film this fucking shame.
Or carefully look at a photo in which a heroic warrior, armed with an AKS, sits in front of a basement window and prepares to die from a bullet from a potential militant.
The warrior’s face expresses inflexibility and a heroic desire to endure until the end of this circus and get drunk.
Also, during the tactical exercises, an incredibly intimidating maneuver was practiced: the collective movement of a “pig” in the direction “there”. The photograph of this example of tactical art has already been appreciated by users of Ukrainian social networks, who insultingly called the reservists “meat.”
Despite the efforts of spiteful critics and the machinations of the enemy, the exercises, surprisingly, took place without losses. The “aggressor” was put to shame in every possible way, and the tired but satisfied reservists returned to their “locations”, where cold stew awaited them (all the trees had already been cut down!), invigorating drinks and military glory. Skadovsk, in turn, breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude.
The main question for the command now is what to do with the reservists for the remaining time of the exercises, because otherwise moral decay and non-combat losses will certainly follow.
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